Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Dead Air

February 5, 2010

Actors: Ackerman J. Hunter,Adams Robert,Anders Kevin,Aspajo Cromwell,Bernsen Corbin,Butbeka Ziv,Carter Johnothan,Davis Brandon,Davis Jason,Deluca Allan,Dordei Federico,Drake Larry,Durham Michael,Sci-Fi,Thriller,

Start of the story I'm writing, any feedback?
Im 15 and still learning So constructive criticism is appreciated! Thanks
Do not steal my work, It is copyrighted.
<i></i> Means the words inside are supposed to be in Italics, as a thought.
I also have a segement in <<<>>>>. This I am wondering if this makes sense, what do you get out of it?

Close Call, Part 1, Draft 1
A cool breeze drifted off the ocean and stirred Kali’s hair as she stood measuring the distance. It was about fifteen yards of loose, sandy dirt, which then dropped two hundred feet to sharp rocks and crashing waves. Not a pleasant fall.
She refused to think of herself plummeting to such a death. Kali took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself; instead her heart fluttered nervously. Her whole body shook in anticipation.
"You have seven seconds," a voice whispered, tickling her ear. "Now, go!"
In answer Kali took off at a dead sprint, right towards the cliff’s edge.
Adrenaline coursed through her veins, and her lips tightened in determination. As she ran, her foot slipped on the loose dirt, and she barley caught herself. Quickly recovered, now only her rhythm was hurt. <i>This is going to mess up my whole take off,</i> she thought angrily. To correct this, she decided to take off with her left foot rather then her right. A stutter step could loose her time, if only very little. She knew how crucial it could prove.
Closing in on the drop, the girl leaned dangerously forward and spread her arms wide. Just as her foot landed on the edge it gave way and crumbled. A sharp cry touched her ears just before the sound of the rushing wind from her fall.<i>I have to shift,</i> <<<<It was a risk she had to take; either chance a broken limb or sure death. A fall at this speed could seriously injure her. She

Entry Filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: 2009, Ackerman J. Hunter, Adams Robert, Anders Kevin, Aspajo Cromwell, Bernsen Corbin, Butbeka Ziv, Carter Johnothan, Davis Brandon, Davis Jason, Deluca Allan, Dordei Federico, Drake Larry, Durham Michael, Sci-Fi, Thriller.